Breakdowns & Buddha Bowls in Bali

Navigating earthquakes and rocky seas: my story riding the waves of a sensory storm

Photo taken of me soon after I arrived in Bali.

Bali. The name itself conjures images of white sandy beaches, spiritual awakenings, and Instagram-perfect moments. But for me, Bali was far from the idyllic paradise that "Eat, Pray, Love" made it out to be. My six-month stint on this tropical island wasn’t just about pursuing a dream to become a self-love coach; it was about navigating a whirlwind of influencers, toxic surfer dudes, and ultimately, a series of life-altering earthquakes which left me literally ‘shook’.

Let me take you back to the beginning. Picture this: influencers with their perfect pouts, filling up every corner of the island, posting their (pseudo) “spiritual” content as if they’d discovered enlightenment at the bottom of their smoothie bowls. Then there were the surfer ‘bros’, more interested in catching the next swell, than holding a two-minute conversation. Oh yes, Bali was a smorgasbord of the beautiful and the unoriginal, and I was somewhere in between, confusingly trying to find my place.

OK the buddha bowls were a pretty spiritual experience…I wont lie.

Against this backdrop, the earth had this very inconvenient tendency to keep moving, as earthquake upon earthquake hit the island. It would start with a deep vibrating hum, the ground would start shaking, and then the lightheadedness would kick in, as if I was completely wasted. A very familiar feeling, despite being sober for two years at the time (a story for another day).

One earthquake, in particular, stands out. It was one of the largest ever experienced while I was there, a 6.9 on the Richter scale on the neighboring island of Lombok. As the earth started shaking violently, my local Balinese home started to sway, and I knew I needed to run out of the house, and fast.

Around the same time, I had also embarked on a rocky boat trip, my stress levels already sky-high from personal challenges and the sheer unpredictability of my surroundings. That’s when it hit me. The swaying, the rocking, the sensation of walking on a trampoline - it all started after these quakes and that boat ride. It wasn’t just the island that was unstable; it was me.

I shuffled from doctor to doctor, hospital to hospital, even getting a brain scan in my desperation. Was it a tumor? An inner ear disorder? No one had answers. I left Bali with my dreams shattered and on very shaky ground, both metaphorically and physically. Back in South Africa, my quest for answers led me to a vestibular physiotherapist. After just three sessions, she suggested I may have a condition called Mal de Débarquement Syndrome (MdDS).

Finally, a name for this ‘thing’ I was experiencing!

Exhaustion hitting after months of dizziness and no diagnosis in sight.

So, what is MdDS?

MdDS is a neurological disorder characterized by a persistent sensation of motion, such as rocking, swaying, or bobbing, typically triggered by prolonged exposure to passive motion like being on a boat, train, or even after an earthquake (Vestibular Disorders Association; Mount Sinai).

It was like the world had kept moving, but my body didn’t get the memo.

For the past six years, I’ve lived with this condition. There’s no known cure. Sometimes, people go into remission, but for others, it’s a lifelong battle. I’m fortunate my symptoms are moderate compared to some who can’t work or even walk.

Living with MdDS is like having my senses on hyperdrive. Bright fluorescent lights are probably my biggest nightmare. They worsen my symptoms, making it hard to look at a laptop screen - a real challenge for a remote worker like me. I need over eight hours of sleep a night to avoid brain fog and fatigue. My hearing is ultra-sensitive, and loud noises can be jarring. My vestibular system is hyper-vigilant, making it hard to balance in dim lighting. And things like coffee and stress just add fuel to the fire.

So, here I am, living with this invisible disability. It’s a constant companion, one I’ve learned to coexist with (and one that many of my friends or colleagues don’t know about). This month is MdDS Awareness Month, and I’m sharing my story in hopes it reaches others who might be experiencing these bizarre symptoms after a boat ride, an earthquake, or a stressful event. If my journey helps even one person find answers, it’s worth it.

To those dealing with MdDS, you’re not alone. There’s a community out there, and there’s hope. Sometimes, it’s about finding your own balance in a world that’s constantly in motion. For me, it’s about living in a relationship with this disorder and not fighting it. It’s about riding the waves as they come, and navigating the ebbs and flows whilst still trying, my very best, to enjoy the ride.

Have you ever experienced a dizziness, or vertigo related condition? Let me know in the comments below!

Beautiful moments in-between the chaos.

For more information visit the MdDS Foundation at https://mddsfoundation.org